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6 Signs It’s Lust, Not Love Posted: 13 Dec 2014 09:06 AM PST It happens to many guys, where you’ve got a girl for one thing and a girl for another, and you don’t really want to lose either of them, but you don’t really know why. Women do it too; they call it having male friends. You’re not necessarily doing anything wrong with either one of them, any more than they are; you just haven’t pinned anyone down for anything serious…yet. Whether you will or not remains to be seen, and if all parties are aware and OK with the arrangements, no harm no foul. This simply means, your bases are covered. But everybody knows this can’t last forever, so what do you do when it’s time to make a choice? Sometimes the request comes from her, and sometimes it’s you who needs to do the introspection. If you are trying to figure out whether it’s lust or love with one particular girl, check to see how many of these signs you cross off your mental list when you are weighing the pros and cons. The Details: “Hot” is the first word that comes to mind when you think of her. If this is how you describe her to your friends, repeatedly, then it might not be love. Your intentions are matched by how you describe her. If you can’t even remember her name, no, you don’t love her. What she says or thinks is irrelevant to you. It’s not that you are uncaring; you just only have time, energy and brain compartments for people that matter. And she’s not one of them; her compartment is an entirely different organ as far as you are concerned. You think it’s great that she is smart and has a life; you just aren’t as concerned about it as you would be if say, you wanted to one day buy her a present that matched her deepest darkest emotion. That’s not your role, and you both are OK with that. She meets a need, and that’s it. You aren’t going to call her when you have a bad day unless you need to physically blow off some steam. You might go out for dinner with her, but there’s a definite end game in mind, drinks at her place or yours is more likely just an end to a means. You only contact her after midnight. This is the universal message of booty call, for both men and women. You love being with her, yes, but you don’t love her. When she says no because she’s too upset that her cat died, you are disappointed, but not because she is sad about her cat. Again, it’s not that you are unfeeling; she just plays a different role in your life than someone who you have deep loving feelings for. She wants you to say the “L” word, and you…don’t. If you can’t even bring yourself to say the word, it isn’t love. People who are in love love everything about the person they are with  they love eating fries with them, they love hanging out with them, they love everything about them. If you think she’s cool and you can’t bring yourself to up the ante on the emotions any more than that, then, you think she’s cool. Period. You don’t picture her in your life. Christian Carter, relationship expert for women and author of How to Catch Him and Keep Him, says that both men and women begin to subconsciously visualize the people that they begin falling in love with in their lives. If you are having Sunday dinner with mom and are asked when you are bringing her over and your first thought is, “Why?”, then you don’t love her. The Bottom Line: The bottom line is that if you need to ask whether it is lust or love, then it probably isn’t love. There is nothing wrong with that so long as you are clear about your intentions when you are in the dating game. Maybe one day you will settle down, and maybe one day, you won’t. But if the woman you are with right now is not someone you can visualize in your life in the long term, there’s nothing wrong with that. Knowing the difference between lust and love will make it that much easier for you to enjoy the world of dating with the most honest and clear intentions possible. The post 6 Signs It’s Lust, Not Love appeared first on attractandseducehotwomen.com.

6 Questions to Ask Yourself Before You Stay Friends With Your Ex Posted: 13 Dec 2014 08:51 AM PST It’s a toss up, right? She’s a super cool chick, and that’s why you two got along so well. Not many other girls can show you how to shoot a corner pocket the way that she can. Even so, it just didn’t work out. Does that mean you can’t play pool with her anymore? Well, that depends. What do you really want out of that experience? That is just one of many questions you need to ask yourself before you choose to stay friends with your ex. Here are six more. The Details: 1. Is it too soon? Was there crying at the breakup? Was the breakup an hour ago and you still need a ride to work? It might be too soon if it was overly emotional and/or less than one month has transpired since the breakup in question. At least that is the time frame suggested by the researchers at the University of Virginia who studied people one month after a breakup and found that friendships were more likely to occur at that point, than at any point prior. Psychologist Dr. Melanie Greenberg also says on this topic that if you were the one to do the dumping, you may need to wait longer. Play this card too soon, and you might risk opening a wound for her that she won’t appreciate being opened. If you can see her face without causing her pain or tears, then you have a green light to give this a go. 2. Will you feel like you want to make a move on her? If the answer to this question is yes, or maybe, then you don’t want to be friends with your ex; you want to get back together with her, maybe. Alan Cohen, writer for Chicken Soup for the Soul and author of Happily Even After, says that if you are going to choose to be friends, you need to stick to your guns on this one. You can’t be OK with making a move, from either party, if friendship is all you want because friends don’t have sex with each other. They don’t even want to, not even a little bit. Period. 3. Can you control your own emotions? Will seeing her be difficult, even if it is just at the pool hall with the rest of the guys? You don’t need to answer this question to her, just to yourself where nobody else will ever know. If it will be hard to see her, then you shouldn’t take this step yet. In this case, it is irrelevant who broke up with whom. Even if you did the dumping, you are still a human with feelings. If you can’t control those in a friendly platonic way with her, then you can’t handle being just friends with her. 4. Can you handle seeing her with another man? This is a yes-or-no question, and if it takes you time to consider the answer, you’re probably not up to staying friends with your ex. There’s nothing wrong with that. If you both genuinely didn’t fit and genuinely want each other’s happiness, then seeing her with another guy should be no biggie. In which case, you will have a beautiful friendship. If it is a biggie, then you still aren’t talking about a friendship with your ex. You are talking about a continued relationship with her that is exclusive because you don’t want to see her with anyone else. 5. Do you really just want to move on? Perhaps she is the one that has suggested you stay friends after the breakup, and you aren’t sure whether this is a good idea. In a 2004 poll conducted by NBC, 48 percent of Americans stated that they were able to remain friends with their exes, but only when both parties agreed. Eighteen percent said they tried it, but it was too difficult because they just wanted to move on in the end. If you are thinking of staying friends, you need to ask yourself, "Would just moving on and cutting her out be emotionally healthier and better for me?" If the answer to that is an honest no, then you may be able to fall in that 48 percent that say it can work. 6. Have you gotten over what broke you two up to begin with? This is the tough one because there is always pain at a breakup. In any relationship, no matter what type of relationship, from friendship to family relationships to romantic relationships, if you can’t get over pain that someone else caused, the relationship may not work. So if some serious infraction occurred that led to the demise of the relationship, you will need to get over that before you are able to sustain a healthy friendship. If you cannot forgive and forget, the friendship will not survive. This is another reason why it is important to also ask yourself if it is too soon. The Bottom Line: The bottom line when it comes to whether to stay friends with your girlfriend who is now your ex-girlfriend will depend on what you expect to get out of it. It is important to remember that this will be a new relationship and not an extension of your romantic relationship. This friendship will be a relationship like any other one that you have, just without the romantic component. Is this a friendship that is founded on good vibes and trust? Can you handle seeing your new friend with a new romantic partner that isn’t you? If you can be honest and realistic about these kinds of questions with your new ex-girlfriend and new friend, then you two may well just have a beautiful friendship after all. The post 6 Questions to Ask Yourself Before You Stay Friends With Your Ex appeared first on attractandseducehotwomen.com.

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