10 Things Women Love About Scottish Men

10 Things Women Love About Scottish Men
7 Best First Date Questions, Backed by Psychologists
9 Things a Man Should Never Wear On a First Date
Dating Around a Child’s Schedule
The 10 Guys Every Girl Dates in Her 20s
Should You Have a Gay Open Relationship?
#DryJanuary Survival Guide: Ideas For Great Dates Away From the Bar
8 Reasons Why You Should Embrace the Dating Game

Posted: 23 Jan 2015 09:04 PM PST

Burns Night has arrived – and as well as celebrating the life of a legendary Scottish poet, it also conjures up images of kilts, bagpipes and rugged highlanders. What’s not to love?

We’ve all fallen for Gerard Butler and Ewan McGregor on the big screen, and of course the more mature ladies will remember the irresistible husky tones of Scottish hunk Sean Connery declaring: "The name’s Bond. James Bond’.

So what exactly is this ‘Scots-appeal’ that sets Celtic men apart from other men? Why do we find them so alluring and are they really the most manly men on the planet?

Get ready to swoon – here’s a guide to the 10 things women love about the tartan-wearing warriors from the north:

1) The Kilts
It takes a real man to wear a kilt…especially on a cold winter’s day! Scotland’s traditional garment dates all the way back to the 16th century when the ‘Great Kilt’ (Feileadh Mhor) was first invented. Different clans are associated with different patterns of tartan and Scottish men are extremely patriotic and proud of their roots. Even though nowadays kilts are only worn for weddings and special occasions, there’s still something about this patterned woollen cloth that drives women wild. Maybe it’s the deep sense of tradition? Maybe it’s the muscly legs? Maybe it’s the mystery of what’s in the sporran? It’s only human nature to be fascinated by this intriguing part of a man’s attire.

2) The Height of Masculinity
Scottish men are manly men. They’re not afraid of the cold or spending some time in the great outdoors. In fact, these porridge-eating and whiskey-swilling warriors won the public vote of being ‘the manliest nation on the planet‘, according to luxury grooming company ‘The Bluebirds Revenge.’
You won’t have to worry about your safety if you’re with a Scotsman – it’s in their blood to protect their clan and they certainly won’t be afraid of carrying you over the threshold!

3) The Accent
One word: ‘phwoaaar’. A Scottish accent is hard to resist and is guaranteed to make women swoon. Maybe it’s the way they say: "Nae problem!", "A love ye!" or "lassie". It’s one of the sexiest accents on earth and just a few words will make women weak at the knees! Even when the accent is so strong that we can’t understand it – we’re not complaining. The language of love doesn’t need words!

4) They’re Outdoorsy Men
Being surrounded by lochs and mountains, it’s not surprising that a lot of Scottish men are outdoorsy types. The word ‘Scot’ makes you imagine a warrior poised and ready to commence for battle. From the Highland Games to the Caber Toss – the rugged Celts certainly aren’t afraid of showing off their athletic prowess. In fact, it has been reported that 90% of Britain’s SAS are of Scottish origin – talk about robust.

5) Good Family Values
Looking for a man with good family values? A Scottish hunk should be at the top of your list. Scottish men are extremely proud of their bloodline and heritage; always remembering where they came from. The pattern of their tartan is highly symbolic and represents the clan that they’re affiliated to, something that they greatly respect. If you’ve ever been to a Scottish wedding (or are lucky enough to have one of your own) you’ll witness just how important family values and traditions are.

6) Great Sense of Humour
What’s life without humour? Some may assume that Scottish people can be a tad serious, but when you get to know them, they’ve actually got a cracking sense of humour and love nothing more than some jovial banter. The epitome of Scottish humour is the man, the legend – Billy Connolly. Of course if you’re in Edinburgh in the summer time, you’ll know that it’s famous for being the home of the annual Edinburgh Fringe Festival. So if you meet a cheeky Scottish chappie, don’t be afraid to have a giggle and show you can give as good as you get.

7) They Will Take You to Beautiful Places
If you’re lucky enough to date a Scotsman living in Scotland – you’re in a place that provides the perfect backdrop to romance. From the old town of Edinburgh to Glencoe and Loch Lomond – there are so many picturesque date spots for you to be wooed. Imagine your kilted Prince whisking you off to the heather covered mountains for a date. The epitome of a fairytale romance. Maybe you’ll visit a castle or a lodge in the highlands…the dreamy date options are limitless.

8) They’re Passionate and Proud
Ask an English man who he is and he’ll say "British", ask a Scotsman who he is and he’ll always say "Scottish", he’ll never say he’s British. Scottish men know who they are, know what they want and they’re not afraid to go for it. They’re known for being fiercely passionate about what they love in life and aren’t afraid of facing obstacles or challenges on the way. It’s this sort of strength of character that makes a man a real catch.

9) They’re Gentlemanly
If you’re after a true gent, look no further. Let a Scotsman take you by the hand and show you what it’s like to date a gentleman. Again, reflecting on their good family values, Scottish men greatly respect their mothers and know how to treat a woman like a lady. You’ll find it hard to resist the warm Celtic charm. At a black tie do, men all tend to look the same – but you’ll always be able to spot the devilishly handsome Celt in a kilt.

10) They Know How to Celebrate
Known for being the biggest and best New Year’s Eve celebration in the world – Hogmanay is something everyone has to experience once in their lifetime. With 8000 torchbearers, fireworks, drinking and dancing; this is a nation that knows how to party. The celebrations mimic ancient customs from Scottish Hogmanay parties that happened hundreds of years ago. Another fun fact is that 2nd January is a national holiday in Scotland as well as the 1st, so there’s time to recover from the festivities – good thinking!
Then there’s Burn’s Night to celebrate the life of famous poet Robert Burns. The celebrations begin with traditional Scottish bagpipe music, a haggis feast, singing, dancing and an evening of entertainment ending with a rousing rendition of Auld Lang Syne! If you go out with a Scotsman – there will never be a dull moment!

Whoever said that the Scottish aphrodisiac is three pickled onions, two whiskeys and a battered deep-fried Mars bar was lying! Now you know how many things there are to love about Scottish men, how can you resist? Keep your fingers crossed that you will find your very own Braveheart; it could be worth heading north for a quick hop over Hadrian’s Wall.

Good luck on your quest for Mr Hot Scot!

10 Things Women Love About Scottish Men is a post from the: WeLoveDates blog

7 Best First Date Questions, Backed by Psychologists

Posted: 22 Jan 2015 05:00 PM PST

So you’ve waded through seemingly endless online dating profiles and have found the one for you. You’ve set up a date. You’re excited, and a little nervous, because dates can be tricky. What will you wear? Where will you go? And most importantly, what will you talk about?

We have some ideas.

The New York Times reported on a study by psychologist Arthur Aron that is based around the idea that a couple answering certain sets of questions can speed up that couple’s ability to fall in love, or, at the very least, “foster closeness.” The questions range from humorous to intimate; all are, on some level, very personal and all are thought-provoking. Examples include, from Set I:

“When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?”

“If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?”

From Set II:

“What is your most treasured memory?”

“How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?”

From Set III:

“When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?”

“Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?”

And some contain exercises for the couple to do, like:

“Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.”

“Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you've just met.”

If the idea of answering some of these questions makes you uncomfortable, well, that’s the point. They want you to feel vulnerable. Their thinking is that vulnerability breeds closeness.

While some of these questions are great icebreakers for dates, a lot of them are reserved more for when you have a solid partner, and aren’t in a first date or super early relationship situation. Above all, these questions made me think about the questions we all ask each other when we’re on dates. I think it’s time we evaluate our small talk and maybe even make it better.

So here are seven examples of some dreaded first date/early dating questions, and suggestions for better questions to ask instead, using inspiration from the Arthur Aron study.

1. “What do you do for a living?”

That’s one we’ve all asked or been asked or both, right? And it makes sense. You tend to want to know what someone else’s job is. But it’s such a boring question and can actually put a lot of pressure on the person being asked. And why do we have to be defined by what our jobs are? Aren’t there more interesting things we can glean from one another other than, “so, what do you do for a living”?

TRY ASKING: “What’s your dream job?”

It’s a far more interesting question and is more revealing to ask someone what they wish they were doing rather than what they are doing. And in telling you what their dream job is, they’ll probably reveal what it is they actually do anyway. It’s just a nicer way of getting there. It puts lets pressure on the person being asked, and inspires them to think about their dreams and goals.

2. “Tell me about your family.”

This one is too open-ended. You’ll likely be met with “uhhh”s and stammering. The problem is, it sounds like a writing prompt, and the last thing anyone wants to do on a date is come up with a spur-of-the-moment oral report. Plus, if they hate their family, it’s especially awkward.

TRY ASKING: “What’s your favorite childhood memory?”

This one works because even if they had a bad childhood, they’re bound to have at least one fond memory. And people naturally like to talk about happy moments in their lives. It’s a great way to explore someone’s childhood without being too vague or broad about it.

3. “How much money do you make?”

I know you’re dying to know, because aren’t all of us a little bit nosy deep down about stuff like this? But please…

TRY ASKING: Anything but that.

Seriously, who does this? I’ve never done this and I don’t personally know anyone who has, but I’m putting this out there just in case some misguided soul has no idea that this is not okay. It’s incredibly tacky and even rude to ask such a question. You don’t start to talk about money until you’re serious – as in, moving in kind of serious. That’s the only time when you really need to know how much money someone makes. Until then, it’s not any of your business. Maybe you’re asking because you’re trying to picture a future with this person, but you shouldn’t be so wrapped up in money anyway. Simmer down.

4. “What do you do with your free time?”

It’s a simple enough question, but you’re probably going to be disappointed with the answer, because for a lot of people, free time is a rarity and they use it for boring stuff, like going on Reddit.

TRY ASKING: “What’s your favorite thing to do?”

When someone asks me what I do with my free time, I’m honest: I sleep, I eat, I Netlfix. This isn’t very interesting or revealing. It’s better to ask someone what their favorite thing to do is, and if those happen to be sleeping, eating, and Netflixing, that’s fine, too. But chances are you’re going to get more colorful answers when you ask someone what they love to do vs. what they actually do.

5. “Where do you see yourself in five years?”

This is not a job interview, and this question is not appreciated on dates. For some people, the nature of their jobs/lives is unpredictable and they don’t even know where they’ll personally be in five weeks, let alone years. This puts a lot of pressure on someone to think about their future when they’re really just looking for a fun night out.

TRY ASKING: “What do you love the most about your life right now?”

In asking this, you’re focusing on the present and on the fun, and it’s far easier to get people to talk about the fun stuff currently happening in their lives vs. the intangible future that lies before them. Look, it’s fair to want to know if someone has goals and aspirations, but you shouldn’t phrase it as the dreaded interview question, “where do you see yourself in ___ years.” It’s just a killer.

6. “How many children do you want to have?”

This is a very loaded question for a few reasons: 1. it’s a little early to discuss this topic, and is kind of a scary thing for both men and women to think about and 2. some people don’t even want to have kids, so it shouldn’t be assumed that everybody does.

TRY ASKING: Sorry, this is another one where you’re just going to have to put a pin in this question until you both know each other better.

Like the money question, the kids question is a big one. Unlike the money question, the kids question is something that you can openly discuss earlier in your relationship, but you need to tread carefully. Of course everybody is different, and some people don’t mind discussing the possibility of kids on a first date, but personally, it would weird me out. But only you know for sure. I would still advise against asking this on a first date, but after that, it’s up to you to feel your partner out and decide when you’re both ready to have that talk.

7. “When was your last relationship?”

I hated being asked this. It made me think about my ex, and the last thing I wanted to think about on a brand spanking new date was my ex. I also felt like being asked this made me open to judgement from the other side; if it hadn’t been very long since my last relationship, I’d worry they thought I was dating too soon, and if it had been too long, I’d worry they’d wonder what was wrong with me. Not like I should care, but still.

TRY ASKING: “What did you learn from your last relationship?”

I’d advise waiting until after a few drinks to ask this one, if at all, because it can play a little heavy. But it’s a good question. Of course, it assumes that the other person has indeed been in a relationship previous, and if they haven’t, that’s a little awkward to discover, but it’s also maybe a good thing to have discovered it. What’s good about this question is in answering it, they may drop hints about when their most recent relationship was, without you having to ask outright. And the answers can be surprisingly thoughtful. No matter how they answer this, you’re going to glean some info about your date from it. If their answer is, “Don’t date a bitch”, that tells you just as much as if they gave you a long and detailed answer about life and love.

What questions do you hate being asked on a first date, and what would you replace them with?

Image via WeHeartIt.

7 Best First Date Questions, Backed by Psychologists is a post from the: WeLoveDates blog

9 Things a Man Should Never Wear On a First Date

Posted: 21 Jan 2015 05:00 PM PST

Knowing what to wear on a first date can be stressful. Firstly, you've got to decide whether your outfit will be suitable for the date in hand; a suit and smart shoes might be fine for a classy meal, but won't be any good if your date involves something active. Similarly, there are certain items that might be acceptable if you're heading to the gym or chilling with your friends, but have absolutely no place on a first date – or on any date for that matter. So to make sure you're clear with what's completely off-limits in the wardrobe department on this occasion, here are 9 things no guy should wear on a first date.

1. Slogan T-Shirts

These are a no-no in the majority of situations; whatever you do don't even think about sporting one on your first date. If you do decide to wear a T-shirt, whether it's layered under a shirt or on it's own, stick to block colours with minimal to no logos. Oh, and make sure it's ironed and fits properly, too.

2. A Bowtie

Do we even need to explain this one? Really, unless you're an eccentric university professor or happen to be heading to a movie premiere, we'd strongly advise you leave the bowtie in the drawer. If you really want to wear something around your neck, stick to a knitted tie instead.

3. A Pinstripe Suit

If your date involves a meal at a high-end restaurant and a suit is the order of the day, avoid going for pinstripes. While there's nothing wrong with the odd pinstripe, it's probably more suitable for the boardroom rather than the dining room. Instead, opt for a well-fitted navy or charcoal grey two-piece with a crisp white shirt and a pair of shiny black lace-ups or loafers.

4. A Baseball Cap

These are fine if you're heading to game and want to show support for your team, but if you're going on a date make sure they're nowhere to be seen. Get a sharp haircut a couple of days beforehand and go easy on the styling products; you want to look like you've made an effort but not tried too hard.

5. Sandals or Flip-Flops

Don't even think about it. There's absolutely no place for sandals or flip-flops on a first date. First of all, she definitely won't want to see your nasty feet, and secondly, just no. A pair of fresh canvas tennis shoes, or some suede moccasins are a failsafe and stylish choice.

6. Anything Sports Related

Unless you happen to be on the field playing sport, avoid donning anything sports related: jerseys, warm-up jackets, hoodies etc. If your date involves some kind of physical activity you can still look stylish in suitable attire without having to remind the other person which team you support. Think along the lines of slim fit polo shirts and tailored shorts.

7. Bootcut Jeans

Come on, what year are we in? If you still own a pair of bootcut jeans in 2015 then you seriously need to donate them to the nearest charity shop, ASAP. When it comes to denim and dates you can't go wrong with a pair of straight or slim fit dark indigo jeans.

8. Cargo shorts

Whoever invented these needs a serious talking to. If you're going to wear shorts make sure they're the tailored type that sit on or just above the knee. Any longer and they verge on ¾ lengths, which are never, and any shorter and you're nearing hot pant territory, which we'd suggest you leave to her.

9. Novelty Underwear

Ok, so it might be a little optimistic to suggest anyone would even be seeing your underwear on the first date, but just in case avoid those juvenile cartoon boxers. Stick with a pair of black, grey or navy Calvin Kleins and you won't go wrong.

9 Things a Man Should Never Wear On a First Date is a post from the: WeLoveDates blog

Dating Around a Child’s Schedule

Posted: 20 Jan 2015 06:33 PM PST

Who would have thought that a child who still cannot pronounce some words in the English language would have a busier social life than me?

That's the case with my two year old daughter. Between play dates, and her scheduled days at nursery, doctors appointments and just making sure everyone in the family gets to spend time with her means that when I eventually tuck her into bed at seven every night, I'm ready to crawl into bed myself. As I make myself that post bedtime cup of tea and begin on the many jobs I have forgotten about while I see to her needs during the day I find myself wondering how I'll ever fit in time to date or even meet someone else. So far I've struggled to hold a conversation over text message with a guy due to the many demanding needs of my toddler. I think when you stay in the relationship with your child's father, you both have less time for each other. But in my case, one of my main worries is that I'll be unable to balance the two and although I'm sure the kindly gentleman I plan on dating will understand, to an extent, you do really need to give it 100% to get the relationship off on the right footing.

I have given it a fair amount of thought (due to various attempts at throwing myself back into the single parent dating pool in the past) and despite my reservations, I know with a lot of juggling it would be possible. Thankfully I'm the queen of planning so I thrive on a little bit of organisation. Here is my plan.

Firstly, flexibility.

Not just me, but the guy. When you're a single mum, anyone you enter into a relationship with needs to be aware that they're not just dating you, they're taking on a child too. Just as I need to be flexible on the off chance my child falls ill, or there is an impromptu playdate, he need to understand this too. I'm not being flaky if I cancel a date last minute, I'm putting my child's needs first. If I suggest we stay in and watch movies, it's not because I can't be bothered to come meet you out, it's probably because I can't get a babysitter. He needs to understand that this happens and will probably happen regularly.

Aim for evenings.

Evenings are the best for single parent dating, but let him know that staying at his won't always be an option. For me I'm lucky if I can convince my mother to babysit once every 6 weeks. She likes to be in bed by 10 and in the house with the doors locked by 7. But we have discussed what will happen when I do start dating. She's offered to babysit so I can go out, but she has also made it clear due to her work schedule that me staying out all night won't work for her. This puts me into a position I dread to even think about, would I want my child to find him there in the morning until she was aware we were together? The answer is no, I wouldn't. So he'd have to know that sleep overs wouldn't be an option for a while. I'm sure this isn't the case for everyone. A lot of single parents I know have an ex partner that often has their child over night once or twice a week, which does give you a little more freedom.

Monetise the time you do have.

My child attends nursery 5 days a week for three hours a day at set times of day. Yes, for a guy who works 9-5 this is impractical but if you have this luxury ensure they know when you're free and let them know that this is the best time for some alone time. For me I wouldn't want to introduce my child too early to a potential partner with her being so young and impressionable. I'm sure this gets easier as your child gets older.

Which leads me onto the next point…

Encourage your date to join in with family activities.

If you can't find times when both of you have free schedules, invite him to do something as a family. This is something I wouldn't consider for a few months but once I was sure he was planning on sticking around, I'm sure this would be a regular occurrence. I don't mean taking your kid out to dinner with you both, I mean cinema, the zoo, the farm. Somewhere away from the home setting.

I'm not saying that dating around your child's schedule is going to be easy, but if you’re brave enough to give it a shot, it can really be worth it in the end. Plus, it won’t be like this forever! Eventually my daughter will monopolise less and less of my time giving me more free time to give to someone else, but until then I don’t want to shut myself off from the possibility of finding a romance that will sweep me off my feet. Work with the time you do have to date, make the most of it and always keep a positive attitude!

Dating Around a Child’s Schedule is a post from the: WeLoveDates blog

The 10 Guys Every Girl Dates in Her 20s

Posted: 19 Jan 2015 04:12 PM PST

No matter what kind of girl you are, where you live, or the type of guy you're into, you will date most or all of these guys before you turn 30. They might have varying degrees of the characteristic, but they will have it all the same. While it's possible you fall in love with one of these men, it's more likely that they will merely serve to remind you of what you're not looking for in a relationship. Don't get me wrong: that's a very valuable tool in itself, and not only that, but it's fun. Meeting different people is always an adventure. But as you'll see, these guys are not exactly long-term relationship material.

1. The Stoner

The Stoner likes to smoke pot and do little else. There are a lot of things he likes to do while he's high, including listening to music, drinking, or hanging out with friends. But The Stoner is not the best choice for a long-term partner.

Advantages: When you're dating The Stoner, you never have to worry about where your boyfriend is: he's either at Taco Bell, or on your couch.

Disadvantages: The downside of dating The Stoner is… well, they're always either at Taco Bell or your couch. Looking for someone to join you at the gym? Call one of your girlfriends because The Stoner will not be accompanying you. Plus, The Stoner frequently forgets about plans you've made.

2. The Intellectual

The Intellectual is not necessarily obsessed with knowing a lot. He is actually obsessed with making sure that everyone knows that he knows more than everyone else. At first you find this impressive and endearing. But after one too many times having the history of the whole world explained to you, it's time to call it quits.

Disadvantages: Point number 1: The Intellectual is always right. If The Intellectual is wrong, see point number 1. You can handle being wrong. You just can't handle being wrong all the time.

Advantages: You always win at bar trivia when he is on your team. Otherwise, he's pretty insufferable. Dump him as soon as you can.

3. The Hippie

While at first glance it may seem that The Hippie is the same as The Stoner, there is at least one crucial distinction. The Hippie is obsessed with peace and love, whereas The Stoner doesn't actually give a shit about anything. The Hippie likes to protest. Sometimes you question what he actually knows or cares about the cause, but regardless, the passion he has for it is sexy.

Advantages: After a particularly rousing demonstration at the state capitol building, you two have a particularly rousing time in the bedroom.

Disadvantages: It gets hard to keep going to "stop the war" events. Plus, he's canceled one too many dinner dates in favor of yet another protest against the atrocities in …. you can't remember where. Doesn't matter. This relationship is an atrocity, and you're finished.

4. The Jock

Dating The Jock seemed like a good idea at first. It reminds you of the hunky football players in high school that you always wanted to date but never got the chance to. But after awhile, it gets a little old.

Advantages: He likes to exhibit his strength by carrying you around any chance he gets. This makes you feel like a dainty little flower. He can also help you move furniture to your new place. And unlike The Stoner, The Jock is always down for the gym… but maybe a little too much.

Disadvantages: When you ask him about his feelings on your country's education system or the validity of increased security at airports in response to terrorism, he just stares at you blankly until you change the subject to something more his style, such as last month's issue of Sports Illustrated.

5. The Musician

Every girl loves The Musician. That is, until his dedication to his eternal dream of being in a rock band and touring the country starts to impose on your life. While he's dead sexy when playing the guitar, it's less sexy when he's constantly a no-show for dates due to "last-minute" band practice and gigs that he "just couldn't pass up." He's even less attractive when he asks you to spot him a few hundred dollars to pay his rent.

Advantages: S-E-X-Y. You're the envy of all your friends. You don't even want to dump him because you know your friend is going to try to get with him as soon as you do.

Disadvantages: The Musician's night owl schedule and constant need for money means that this relationship just isn't going to work out.

6. The Workaholic

The Workaholic is everything you've always been taught to look for in a man: he has a good job to which he is dedicated, and he's "going places." It's just that the places he is going are not with you. The Workaholic comes in many forms, from the medical student to the engineer to the… in fact, it doesn't matter what his job is. If he's working all the time, he may be someone who will never make time for his relationship. Of course, this could be a temporary situation. Only you can make a decision as to which guy yours is.

Advantages: When work is going well, he just got a raise or a promotion, or he just won that case he's been working on, there's no getting him down. You get to go out and celebrate at random times, like 4pm on a Tuesday. His work ethic is also everything you always look for in a partner.

Disadvantages: Once, he was so busy with work that he didn't see you for more than 3 weeks. Plus, on the rare occasion that you do see him, he's glued to his smart phone. Work is important, but if he can't get away from work now, what makes you think things are going to change in the future?

7. The Rich Guy

Your mom always told you that falling in love with a rich guy is just as easy as falling in love with a poor guy. But The Rich Guy proves that isn't true. You want so badly to like him, but hanging out with him is about as interesting as watching paint dry. You finally conclude that girls have been putting up with him all his life because he has money. Try as you might, you can't seem to make yourself be one of those girls. Time to say goodbye.

Advantages: Feeling like royalty. You get to eat at that fancy restaurant downtown that you've been wanting to try for months. Not only that, but you get to order appetizers, dessert, and two $21 cocktails each! If you date him long enough, he might also buy you that Michael Kors bag you've been eyeing.

Disadvantages: He's boring. At first you think you can put up with anything to feel like a queen, but over time, it becomes a deal breaker. You sadly break up with him, breaking up with your new lavish lifestyle at the same time.

8. The Gamer

The Gamer is a pretty cute guy, but it's hard to have a conversation when the first thing he tells you everyday is the latest news in Dungeons and Dragons. While you admire his dedication, you wish that he was dedicated to something a little more lucrative. After giving it your best try, you've got to dump The Gamer. It just wasn't meant to be. You hope he finds the girl of his dreams online, and to be honest, he secretly does too.

Advantages: He has a massive television and all the latest audio and video equipment, which is perfect for when he lets you invite your girlfriends over to watch the season premier of GIRLS.

Disadvantages: There's nothing he cares more about than his video games, and you know that you could never displace them in his life. Not now, not ever.

9. The Asshole

The most incredible part of dating The Asshole is that he actually thinks that he is a catch. You're not sure what delusional world he lives in, but apparently one in which he is the king. Unlike other guys in this list, you don't bother giving The Asshole a second chance. Everyone is always on their best behavior on a first date. If that was him on his best behavior, you'd hate to see him at his worst. You don't stick around to find out what it's like.

Advantages: There are no advantages to dating The Asshole.

Disadvantages: Everything about him.

10. The Slacker

The Slacker keeps meaning to apply for jobs, but it's so hard when he is in the habit of staying up all night and waking up at 1pm everyday. You're not sure how you ended up dating him in the first place, to be truthful, but you know that it can't continue.

Advantages: His house is massive… but it's only because he lives with his mom.

Disadvantages: While it's cool that she always makes delicious food for you two, it's not cool when his mom accidentally walks in on you two doing the dirty in his childhood bedroom.

Which of these guys did you date in your 20s? Which ones did we leave out?

The 10 Guys Every Girl Dates in Her 20s is a post from the: WeLoveDates blog

Should You Have a Gay Open Relationship?

Posted: 18 Jan 2015 07:25 PM PST

Who says you can't have your cake and eat it too? In the gay dating world, an open relationship is fairly common, and for many couples it feels perfectly natural and entirely feasible. For others, the idea of knowing that your partner will be with someone else is totally unacceptable – emotional and physical intimacy are things that should only happen between two monogamous partners, and anything else is not a real committed relationship. An open relationship is a curious beast, and there are couples who have made it work, other couples who love the idea but find the reality to be vastly different, and other couples who seem to have made significant sacrifices in order to have an open relationship.

If you're thinking about opening things up, there are a few things you should consider…

Theory Vs. Practice

If you've never been in a situation where you've had an open relationship, you might find that the reality is very different to the idea. For a lasting open relationship, you both need to want it. Is your partner pushing you into it, or vice versa? Are you only doing it to make them happy? Once it's clear that it's something you both want to try, it's a good idea to try and then evaluate. The first time you spend an evening with another guy, it's likely to be a casual hookup – unless you've already had your eye on someone. Once it happens for the first time, it can pose a lot of different thoughts and emotions. After the first night you or your partner (or both of you) spend in someone else's company, you should sit down and talk about it. Was it enjoyable? Was it something you want to keep doing? It's important to keep the lines of communication open, allowing you to feel comfortable to bring it up if either of you change your mind, or want to make further changes to your relationship.

Open Legs, Open Heart, or Both?

In what respect do you really want to open the relationship? Is it going to be a strictly no-strings attached kind of thing where the only information you'll take away from the other guy is what the back of head looks like? If you plan to have an open relationship where you will be having more than sex with other men, then you could be potentially entering a polyamory type of situation where you'll have more than one boyfriend. You need to think about whether this will work for you and your boyfriend, since you might find yourself wanting some company and spooning on a cold night, only to have your partner spooning with someone else… and possibly forking.

Open… with Limits

Once you and your partner have decided that you can date other people, it's important to have a few rules. If you live together, it might be awkward if one of you wants to bring someone home. Would you happily sit in the living room with a book while you pretend not to hear those noises from the bedroom? You might also want to suggest that no ex-boyfriends should be included, or any mutual friends. This is entirely up to you, and you need to think about what you would be uncomfortable with. This is also the case with polyamory – would you be cool with needing to schedule time with you boyfriend around your other boyfriends?

Relationships Change

Relationships are in a constant state of evolution, and you might find that an open relationship is something that only works for you and your partner for a limited period of time. When the relationship opens up and you have the chance to date other people, there's a temptation to treat the gay world like an all-you-can-eat buffet. But seriously, wouldn't it be so damn tiring to do this all the time? You might find that the novelty wears off, and while your relationship might remain open, meeting another guy might only be an occasional treat. Some couples also need an open relationship to solidify their own coupling, and to see that there's really nobody else they want to be with.

Two's Company, Three's… More Company?

A fairly common trait of the open relationship is when couples opt only to play together. This amounts to an occasion that is physically stimulating, but can also bring you closer together. Some couples go antique shopping together, others have threesomes. Would you be jealous to be sitting there, watching your partner kiss someone else? If not, then playing together could work for you. It doesn't have to be a purely physical thing either – you could meet a third person or even another couple who need to be clear about the fact that they are very much a second fiddle. They are friends with benefits, and there's mutual respect, but they are not part of your relationship.

It's Your Business

Too many people out there think of gay couples as sexual deviants who are just waiting to jump into bed with any guy in an explosion of pink glitter and Madonna songs. You might be judged for having an open relationship, but there's an easy way to sidestep this. It's none of their freaking business. You can tell whoever you want, or nobody. An open relationship can be fulfilling in ways that you can't even fathom, and yet it's entirely between you and your partner, and of course anyone else who becomes involved.

An open relationship is like any kind of relationship, whether it's gay, straight or bi, in that what works for some might not work for others. The key way to make a gay open relationship work is to be open and honest with your partner. It's possible to have your cake and eat it too, and if you do it right, it will be really damn delicious.

Should You Have a Gay Open Relationship? is a post from the: WeLoveDates blog

#DryJanuary Survival Guide: Ideas For Great Dates Away From the Bar

Posted: 15 Jan 2015 05:00 PM PST

Not long from now and January will be over. This should come as welcome news to anyone who swore, on the first of the month, that they would abstain from anything remotely enjoyable including alcohol (hello, #dryJanuary) , sugar, white carbs, caffeine and that sneaky cigarette you smoke on the way home after work.

The frustrating thing about abstinence is that it is just so boring – not least of all when dating. Green tea is good for the digestive system but hardly the most exotic of 'cocktails' to order on a first date and asking for spinach instead of chips with your steak on a night out will understandably have your date rolling their eyes to the ceiling in disappointment at your inability to 'let go and live a bit' (although if having chips in January is your dates idea of 'living a bit' you might want to steer clear anyway).

Yes, indeed, January is a stale old month when it comes to indulgence and, in an ideal world, would be best avoided all together. Ironically, it is also the month when online dating sites report being at their busiest, more people focus on meeting a partner in January than at any other time of the year.

So abstinence or not, if you are looking for love this year, there is no better time to do it than now.

And the good news is there are plenty of things to do on a date that don't include food and drink. I just can't think of any.

Ok, I'm teasing you. Since cutting back on the nightly G&T's myself I have discovered that actually, dare I say it, a date which evolves something other than sinking a bottle of wine and wolfing down four packets of crisps because you can't be bothered to leave the pub and find a restaurant nearby, will probably, long term, serve you better in terms of getting to know a person and establish some kind of long-term connection.

Activities on a date don’t just give you something to talk about should the conversation run dry but also create a much more natural environment in which to get to know someone. Activities, events and situations create an organic environment for two people to get to know each other, especially when you consider that the way a person behaves and relates to a situation can often be far more telling, with regards to their personality, than three hours answering 'copy and paste' questions about favourite holiday destinations and how long you have been online dating for.

Getting active on a date doesn't need to mean that you expect your date complete the 10 marathons in 10 days challenge, but simply that getting out of the bar and into a 'situation' can act as a surprising trigger for conversation and connection – and means you can have fun without having to break any of your January 'rules' – a double bonus.

Why not try something that neither of you have done before?

Suggesting that your date joins you at a salsa class you have been attending twice a week for the last five years might throw them off a bit and, as delightful as your light fandango is, could leave them feeling a little awkward and inadequate.

How about throwing three random ideas each into the mix and picking one you both fancy trying? Roller skating, hiring bikes in the park, doing a guided city tour, sushi lessons, going to theme park or a taking a train to the seaside for example.

There are countless things to do that won't break the budget and are fun and easy for you to both get stuck into. The key to new 'activities' is picking something that isn't too challenging, something which will be a new experience but doesn't mean you are so focused there is no time left over for conversation and banter. In other words, think cycling through a park, trying your hand on a dry ski slope or getting retro one afternoon playing air-hockey in an arcade, not enrolling in an intensive mandarin course at the local university – as admirable as your love of languages is, think fun not formal when it comes to original dating.

Perhaps you're the less active type and prefer an activity of the sit down variety (step away from the bar) there are still plenty of options for slightly more restful dates with a twist.

Books! Yeah, I know, call me old-fashioned but I love nothing more than a good book and a ripping yarn. If your date shares your passion for the written word, why not meet at your local book shop. Many of them have cafes and not only are they great places to while away the hours but books-what you've read, are reading or intend to read, are a great talking point and your dates choice in books will tell you a lot about their personality.
It doesn't just go for book lovers either.

Why not catch a film at your local cinema … go and see a musical or check out a play? Whilst I would normally be against 'watching' something on a first day, going to a matinee, then for a bite to eat afterwards can be a great low-key date and gives you plenty to talk about – just make sure there is time to chat afterwards, there is no point in the film without the conversation!

Or perhaps music is your thing? Record shops … yes I think they still exist, and actually finding them can be half the fun. What could be more romantic than touring your city or town for off beat record shops, a great way to create an environment in which to really connect and share your passions and a chance to add to your record collection too – double bonus!

A tour of any kind can make for a great date especially when you're 'hunting' – quirky antique markets, comic book shops, farmers markets – even the more commercial city tours work well on a date, especially if you nab a couple of seats on the top deck.

Want to get quirky? - do a crossword together, play suduko or challenge each other to a Jenga tournament.

Want to get cheeky? Try truth or dare … 15 years worth of information about a person in half an hour, that's got to be worth stepping out of the pub for!

There are countless things to do in January which won't leave you feeling hungover – and you might find that pushing your comfort zone and breaking your dating habits will not only create new experiences and more memorable dates but will enable you to get to know a person much more quickly than shouting into each others ears over load music and cheap draught beer.

So what are you waiting for? Make a fresh start this year and try something new – at the very least you' ll see your city in a new light, master indoor rock climbing and discover a new film genre or author you love … and might even get yourself a second date, now that's got to be worth a dry month.

#DryJanuary Survival Guide: Ideas For Great Dates Away From the Bar is a post from the: WeLoveDates blog

8 Reasons Why You Should Embrace the Dating Game

Posted: 13 Jan 2015 05:00 PM PST

It can be frustrating and discouraging to go on date after date with no success. You're just not connecting with the people you meet, and it doesn't seem like future dates will go much better than your past dates have gone.

You hear stories all the time from friends and in magazines about people who met their partner online after dating just a couple of different people. "What's wrong with me?" you wonder. You've gone on dates with countless people, and have yet to meet someone you're even interested in seeing again. You start to wonder what you're even dating for if you know the outcome before you even embark on the date. You even start to think that maybe you should just give up.

But whatever you do, don't despair and don't give up. You are not the only one in this situation. Those people who have met someone seemingly effortlessly are the exception, not the rule. It's possible they are very happy together, but it's also possible that things aren't quite what they seem. For the vast majority of people, it took a long time to meet the person they ended up with. Many people would tell you that they were on the verge of giving up when they finally met someone special.

The fact is that the dating game is tough. The last thing you need is to be dwelling on all the things you don't have and feeling like there is something wrong with you.

Instead, you need to focus on all of the advantages of dating around and living the single life. As permanent as it may seem, this is a temporary state for you. And believe it or not, when it's gone, you're going to miss it. So be kind to yourself, live it up, and consider these 8 reasons why you should embrace the dating game.

1. You get to meet a lot of cool people.

I'd argue that there are few ways to meet a wide variety of interesting people than by dating. Sure, you didn't quite hit it off with that commercial pilot, but wasn't it interesting to hear about all the place he's traveled? And what about that PhD student in Russian literature, the emergency room doctor, or that firefighter? Each of them had an interesting story to tell, and you learned a lot about a lot of different things. Those guys might not have been right for you, but you're a better person for having met them. And they're a better person for having met you as well.

2. You get to do a lot of cool things.

Going on dates forces you to find new and interesting things in your city. At first you may be going to the same restaurants with different people because you know what to order, the service is quick, and they offer happy hour specials. But after awhile, you start to branch out.

You never would have gone to that weekday evening wine tasting, that live show of that local musician you had never heard of (but who now is your favorite), or the short film festival going on a few weeks ago. Who knew that there are billions of incredible Taco Tuesday deals all over town, or that Wednesday night is ladies night and free parking downtown?

Your girlfriends can only be so social, so going on dates is a great opportunity to explore.

3. You learn what you want (and what you don't want).

By dating lots of people, you have a distinct advantage, one that's going to increase your odds of being in a successful relationship when that does happen. That advantage is being exposed to lots of different qualities and traits in a partner and learning what works well with you and what doesn't.

Just think of your friend who married the first man that she met online. There's nothing wrong with that, and sometimes when you know, you know. But how does she know what qualities in a person complement her qualities best if she has never experienced those qualities? By interacting with more people, you are increasing your odds of not only having a relationship that doesn't crumble at the first sign of distress, but you are much more likely to be happy in your relationship, even when things do get tough.

4. It's a game, and it's fun.

The best way to start to embrace the dating game instead of resenting it is to learn to enjoy the game of dating. Make no mistake: dating is a game, and if you're not aware of that, you're probably losing.

But have no fear! Learn the game and it can be tons of fun. I learned most of what I know about the rules of the dating game from my mother, who is a master with the opposite sex. you can read a few of my favorites here.

The most important thing to remember is to have fun. If you're not having fun, what's the point? Be confident and playful, and remember not to take anything about dating too seriously. The other person is nervous too: just be yourself and you'll be having a good time before you know it!

5. You can focus on other things in your life.

When I am single, my life is in order: my laundry is folded neatly and put away. I go to the gym on a regular basis. I read nonfiction books. I cook from scratch.

But when I'm in a relationship, all of that goes straight to hell. My laundry doesn't get washed until I have nothing left to wear. My personal trainer asks me where I've been, and I don't crack open that book I started 3 months ago. It's always nice to have a special someone to distract you from the mundane tasks of life. But it's also nice to have your life in order, and to have time to focus on other things in your life. You'll have plenty of time later to sleep in late with your love. For now, kick ass in your career, get in shape by working out and eating healthy, and you'll be an even bigger catch when you finally do meet the one.

6. You're in control.

Of course the dating game always involves someone else, but dating takes two, and it's all up to you. If you want to go on several dates each week, go for it. If you want to take a night or a week off, that's your decision too. Being successful at the dating game requires a delicate balance between self-discipline and being kind to yourself. While you sometimes might need to go on dates when you don't feel like it, you should also allow yourself time to unwind. It's a marathon, not a sprint, and in the end, it's always your prerogative. Sounds like a pretty good deal to me!

7. People in relationships are envious of you.

People who are in relationships often wish that they were you. Why is this so hard to believe? You're hot, you're fabulous, you're doing great in your career, and you are the object of the attention of different people every week. On top of that, you get to do whatever the hell you want all the time: whether you want to go out with your girlfriends to karaoke on Friday night or stay in and watch reruns of Friends while eating takeout Chinese, you're in charge. You don't have to check in with anyone to make decisions, and you can jetset around the world without having to align your schedule with someone else's.

Even though you might not have a special someone to call when life gets a little hard, you have a great support network and a damn beautiful life.

What's not to be envious about?

8. It's worth it.

Even when you have all of these things in mind, the dating game can still be tough. When all else fails, remember that you will one day be in a relationship that will make all of this worth it. Someone out there is going through the same motions as you, hoping to meet someone with whom they are compatible and they can build a life. If there was a better way to meet the right person, we probably would have figured it out by now. Until you meet that special someone, you're best just staying positive and enjoying the ride.

When you find yourself discouraged at the thought of spending yet another Valentine's Day without a valentine, remember all the many benefits of being in your position. Be your own valentine this year and celebrate you. You are in an enviable position, and one that is temporary. With persistence and a little bit of "me time," you can turn a frustrating situation into an empowered one. So open a bottle of champagne (who cares that it's a random Tuesday night and you're all alone with your dog), dance around your apartment, and embrace dating. If you think about it, life is pretty sweet. Go out and celebrate! You deserve it.

8 Reasons Why You Should Embrace the Dating Game is a post from the: WeLoveDates blog

Online Dating Insider

Saturday, January 24, 2015