Dating as a Single Woman vs Dating as a Single Mother |  |
- Dating as a Single Woman vs Dating as a Single Mother
- 5 Reasons to Date Someone You Know You’re Not Going to Marry
- 10 Things You Should NEVER Say to a Woman on the First Date
- 15 Things Men Can Do To Make Themselves More Attractive
- 8 Signs You’re Dating A Man And Not A Boy
- Top Online Dating Tips from Happy Couples Who Met Online
- 4 Real-Talk Ways Being a Single Parent Affects Your Sex Life
- 10 Things We Can Learn From The Fifty Shades of Grey Movie
- Why Surprise is the Key to a Successful Relationship
- 12 Reasons She’s Not Responding To Your Online Dating Messages
- That One Time When I Was Almost a Contestant on the Bachelorette
- The Pros and Cons of Dating an Older Man
- 4 Tips For Finding Love Online When You’re In Your Prime
- The Number 1 Hardest Thing About Online Dating and How To Handle It
| Dating as a Single Woman vs Dating as a Single Mother Posted: 04 Mar 2015 04:00 PM PST
Dating as a single woman you have so many options on places to meet dates. From the gym, to a bar and even in a different country! You are so much more flexible with time. Aside from working hours you can fit in dates whenever you have a free moment. As a mother you don't just have a job, you have your child too. Then of course there is sleep, sleep is so much more important as a parent than it is when you're childless. I remember running on two hours a night for a while when life was so crazy. Now if I only have two hours, I'm so snappy and not the best mother, sleep is an important factor when you have someone else to care about, not just yourself. You can of course then agree to all sorts of dates, from dinners out, to dinners in at their place, to sleep overs, cinema, and even weekends away (when it gets more serious). As a mother your dating life revolves around whether or not you can get a babysitter, and for me, that's not a regular thing, especially regularly enough so I could actually date. And weekends away baby free, that's practically a no go. Cinema? Sure if it's mid-afternoon during the release of the new Disney movie, at least then I may get to hold hands or sneak a kiss with my date in the dark while my child is glued to the screen. You can also even attempt long distance when you don't have kids. I have done it successfully for over a year because again you have the flexibility and you're able to go to his or have him come and stay at yours for more than a few hours. This one really is close to the bone as I fell for a single dad but as he lived so far away and had his daughter on his days off, we couldn't even attempt it. Bummer.Let's not forget about the fact it's okay to date multiple men when you only have yourself to please, I'm not sure it would be great mentally or emotionally for my three year old! Of course, there is a flip side to dating as a single parent.As I mentioned above, as a single person rather than a mother, I was so much more careless with who I let into my life. Anyone who wanted to date me, I could be persuaded because I craved desperately the attention that I got from it. In the long run, I only worried about my own heart getting broken and as I was young and naïve, I had never been truly burnt in a relationship. Now that I have my daughter to consider I am definitely so much more cautious when it comes to dating. I don't look at the same sort of men anymore, I look for someone who would be a good family man, who would put us before himself. In the past I went for a guy who could talk the talk and looked good. A smooth talker, a charmer. Now I steer clear of anyone like that as I know the damage they could do. Dating as a single mother is so much healthier, even in my approach of it. I have lost that desperation for someone to show me affection because at home I have someone who loves me unconditionally, who shows me more attention than I ever imagined possible (and sometimes it's quite unwanted!) Now I feel I'm looking for someone who will complete our family, who will fall effortlessly into place in our little unit without the need to impress. As I'm in no hurry, I can really get to know men, I can move slowly and I can let myself fall in love naturally. I still believe there are more positives to dating as a single person, rather than a parent, but that's not to say it's all negative. Embarking on the journey with your child could be fun, and if they're old enough you'll even be able to ask their opinion on what dress to wear for your hot date! Yes it's harder, but if I'm completely honest, it's 100% worth it. Dating as a Single Woman vs Dating as a Single Mother is a post from the: WeLoveDates blog         |
| 5 Reasons to Date Someone You Know You’re Not Going to Marry Posted: 03 Mar 2015 04:00 PM PST Recently I read an article about why it's a waste of time to date someone whom you know you are not going to marry. This notion has been around for a long time, and I've forever despised it. But the thing that bothered me most about the article is that it makes a lot of faulty assumptions:
It's high time someone set the record straight. The truth is that there are lots of good reasons why you might want to date someone whom you know you aren't going to marry. 1. Not everyone is at a place in their lives in which they can date to marry.There is a plethora of reasons why someone might not be interested in dating someone that they are considering marrying: they are focusing on their career, they have family or friends that they need to invest a lot of time in, they are living in a totally different location temporarily, or they are just not interested in getting married. 2. You learn about yourself.Even if you have every intention of getting married one day, meeting and dating lots of different people is one of the best ways to learn about yourself, your strengths and weaknesses in relationships, and what you are looking for in another person. It arguably makes your marriage later on far more likely not to end in divorce. And speaking of divorce… 3. There is nothing permanent about marriage.So you've met "the one" and you put a ring on it. Congratulations, but plenty of marriages end in divorce. Does it mean you shouldn't get married if it might end? Of course not. Follow the same logic and you might ask yourself,
The reality is that no one knows the future. Do what makes you happy. Just because it could one day end doesn't mean it's not fantastic now. 4. Great sex.Need I really say more? Good sex is a perfectly legitimate reason to be with someone, assuming both partners are on the same page about the direction of the relationship. Even if you are looking for something serious and meet a great lover instead, nothing wrong with killing time while having awesome orgasms. 5. You could be wrong.There's nothing wrong with not wanting to get married anytime soon, or at all. But if you do want to get married one day, you are still not wasting your time dating someone you think is not your type. Many times I've begun dating people whom I thought weren't right for me or weren't the "serious relationship type." Then suddenly I realized that we were perfect for each other. In those situations, I often ended up dating that person long-term.
Relationships have innate value: they can make us happy, satisfy us sexually, help us learn about ourselves, and make us better partners for our future partners. Who says they need to last until you die? Flickr image via Robert Bejil Productions 5 Reasons to Date Someone You Know You’re Not Going to Marry is a post from the: WeLoveDates blog     |
| 10 Things You Should NEVER Say to a Woman on the First Date Posted: 02 Mar 2015 04:37 PM PST
One week later And the Oscar for Worst First Date Blunder goes to… I didn't see Maya after that. Our mutual friend Simone was diplomatic when I asked her what Maya thought of me. I came across as "Interesting" and a "Little bit crazy" apparently. Top 10 Things You NEVER EVER SAY on a First DateWhenever my brain disengaged from my mouth I chalked it up to "Maya Syndrome". I've learnt a lot since then and have been around the block (metaphorically speaking) enough to know when I'm nervous. Recognising my nerves stops me from saying something really stupid. I've even compiled a short guide to aid any other intrepid dater who is scared of experiencing a similar fate. 1. “Let's go back to mine (and share a bottle of wine)” 2. “Wow, you're really short!” 3. “This is my first date since I broke up with my girlfriend.” 4. “I'm a really nice guy.” 5. “Can I kiss you?” 6. “I'm really lonely…” 7. “I have no inner monologue.” 8. “My ex girlfriend used to say…” 9. “How long have you been single?” 10. “Why did you split up with your boyfriend?” 10 Things You Should NEVER Say to a Woman on the First Date is a post from the: WeLoveDates blog     |
| 15 Things Men Can Do To Make Themselves More Attractive Posted: 01 Mar 2015 04:10 PM PST Eligible bachelors – believe it or not, you don’t have to have the looks David Gandy or Ryan Gosling to be sexy. The rippling muscles of Arnold Schwarzenegger aren’t a neccessity either.Let’s face it, not every man in the world looks in the mirror and sees ‘the ultimate love God’, but there are plenty of things you can do to heighten your desirability factor. Here are 15 things that you do or wear that make you even more sexy.1) Play a musical instrument or sing 2) Expensive aftershave 3) The Scottish man rule – wearing a kilt 4) Good shoes 5) Attention to detail – the cufflinks, the watch and handkerchief in your top pocket 6) Nice socks 7) Accent 8) Impeccable manners 9) Crisp white shirt 10) Good dancer 11) Haircut 12) Nice hands 13) Being a good listener 14) Doing things we like without us having to ask 15) Humour Remember that for every insecurity, there’s a trait that will make women swoon. For more inside info on the things women find attractive, check out what 25 women answered when asked ‘what do you find irresistible about men?’ For the other side of the spectrum, here are the things that women find unattractive about men. 15 Things Men Can Do To Make Themselves More Attractive is a post from the: WeLoveDates blog     |
| 8 Signs You’re Dating A Man And Not A Boy Posted: 26 Feb 2015 04:03 PM PST One of my favorite songs of the ’60s is by the Spencer Davis Group. Titled “I’m A Man”, the song is full of lyrics like, “Well, my pad is very messy/And there’s whiskers on my chin/And I’m all hung up on music/And I always play to win […] But I’m a man, yes I am/And I can’t help/But love you so.” I freakin’ adore that song, because it brings to mind the quintessential 1960’s mod man — a guy who doesn’t always shave, loves his rock and roll, and knows exactly what he wants. Does it seem like there’s less and less men out there and more and more boys? Where have all the Don Drapers gone? I’m here to tell you that men are out there, if you know how to spot them. Here are some signs you’re dating a man and not a boy. He’s respectful of… 1. Your time. 2. Your body. 3. Your ambitions. A man realizes that you have your own busy schedule. A man will not text you 5 minutes before your date that he can’t make it, with no explanation. A boy totally will. A boy will flake out on you all the livelong day (and girls do this too, I’m well aware. But we’re focusing on the men and the boys in this article.) Boys can never seem to understand that you’re not hanging around for them all day for their every whim. When you make plans with a man, they keep them. If they have to cancel, they reschedule, with a proper time and date and everything, not just a, “We’ll hang out sometime.” A man respects your time. A man also respects your body. He knows how to pay you a compliment without it feeling creepy. Boys haven’t yet mastered this. Men know how to respect women (well, some men need a damn good lesson on this, but they’re not the ones I’m referring to.) A man is also respectful of your ambitions, goals, and dreams. A boy might scoff at your plans and roll his eyes; a man will listen to what you’re saying and encourage you. He wants you to do well. He wants to support you, emotionally. A man understands that you have ambitions of your own, and he wants you to succeed. He doesn’t have time for… 4. Petty jealousy. 5. Playing games. A man does not get jealous if you choose to spend your time hanging out with your guy friends. He’s grown up to the point where he realizes that you can have as many guy friends as you want, and it doesn’t take anything away from your relationship with him. A man also doesn’t have time for your jealousy, either. It goes both ways, for sure. You’ve got to be confident enough not to get jealous if he hangs out with gorgeous gal pals. Because confidence is something men seek in women. It’s something men and women have. He also doesn’t have time for playing games. Boys play games. Men are past that. Men do not have the time for that bullshit. Either you’re in, or your out. Don’t try to play hard to get, if that’s not you. Don’t do anything forced. Don’t do anything you wouldn’t normally do. Just be yourself, and be honest. Men appreciate a woman who can be honest and knows what she wants. If a man wants to call (or text) you, he’s not going to wait a certain number of days to do it — he’s just gonna do it. Because he doesn’t have the time for game playing. He knows what he wants. He’s got it together. 6. He’s got a job. 7. He’s got a plan. 8. He’s got a future. I’m not saying a man has to have everything figured out; no one does. But the difference between a man and a boy is that, for the most part, the important parts, a man has his shit together. He’s got a job, if not a career. He’s got a plan or two for what he wants to get out of life. And he’s got a future. He’s not content with just kicking back and letting other people decide his life for him. He’s a man, yes he is, and he can’t help but love you so. Image via WeHeartIt. 8 Signs You’re Dating A Man And Not A Boy is a post from the: WeLoveDates blog     |
| Top Online Dating Tips from Happy Couples Who Met Online Posted: 25 Feb 2015 04:54 PM PST
Well, we decided to ask them. Here's what people who met their partner online had to say to us about finding love in the digital age."Have a framework for what you are looking for, but don’t go overboard with it, otherwise you’ll end up dismissing everyone after date one." – Jennifer "Be genuine and authentic." – Eddie "Don’t go on Tinder to meet someone special; It’s for hooking up. Get over it or don’t use it. Stop putting pictures of your kids all over. Your kids are important, awesome. That’s no reason to show ANYONE looking what they look like and how to find them, idiot. Have a list of things you want from someone that’s over 30 long? That might be why you’re single." – Eric "When sending an initial message, make sure to include a question or comment that shows you actually read their profile. If you get a favorable response, don’t dither around with small talk. I generally asked a girl out after 2-4 messages. Be specific with your date’s time, place, and activity. Get her number after she says yes. Don’t blow up her phone in the days leading up to the first date. Don’t worry about her losing interest. She already said yes. Texting is the lowest form of human communication, and over-texting makes you look needy and desperate. If the date goes well, make plans for a second date before leaving. Again, be specific. None of that, 'Let’s do it again sometime,' bullshit. Have a specific plan in mind. Be clear about your intentions. You don’t need to have a super serious 'define the relationship' talk, but you should mention what you’re looking for – casual, short-term, long-term, etc… It might seem awkward to bring up, but it avoids even more awkward situations later." – Colin "I never let people know my last name. Also, don’t sleep with them on the first date… I might be a prude, but having sex with someone you literally told your friend about hours earlier to make sure you don’t become a skin suit doesn’t sit right with me. Also will perpetuate the whole online dating = easy sex cycle. Generally though, I never found it to be that different from regular in-person dating. Act normal, hide your crazy at first, and try to be attractive in the pics." – Lindsey "Actually invest some thought in your profile, and when you contact people make it clear that you read their profile. One-word or one-sentence answers and messages don’t make you seem like an intelligent or interesting person. Be as invested as you would be talking to someone in real life." – Lydia "Put up relatable pictures rather than aiming for super sexy/hot ones (in one of mine, I was wearing a fake mustache), and if you’re interested in someone, find something cute or unique on their profile and message them about it. It shows you took the time to read their profile, and is a good starting point for a conversation." – Kate "Be honest and upfront with your wants and needs. Time is valuable on both ends." – Joshua
Seems to me that there's nothing magical about what people have done to find love online. Major takeaways?
What tips would you add to the list? Image via Flickr user 66944824@N05 Top Online Dating Tips from Happy Couples Who Met Online is a post from the: WeLoveDates blog     |
| 4 Real-Talk Ways Being a Single Parent Affects Your Sex Life Posted: 24 Feb 2015 05:00 PM PST
I have had three periods of being single in my life and sexually active, two were without a child, and one with. And unsurprisingly the period that has lasted the longest is the one as a single parent. It's not just because I haven't found anyone good enough to let into my child's life yet, it's because dating as a single mother is ten times more complicated and confusing than dating as a single person. 1. For starters, as a single person it is so much easier to meet someone in the first place. You have a freer schedule, you can go out in the evening dancing, or even have a hobby that isn't limited to baking cupcakes for your child's school or watching Netflix, a real hobby that takes you out of the house. You also have a place of work, with people you have time to socialise with outside of the work environment. As a single parent you're limited to usually doing activities that revolve around your child's schedule. And if I'm being perfectly blunt, although we're now living in a society that makes it more acceptable for fathers to take a hands on approach, 98% of the parents you'll come across will be mothers. Which isn't much use if you're a heterosexual female like myself. You may have that rare occasion where you are able to head out on the town, for a birthday or a hen party, but you won't be out enough to build a relationship with a guy in a club like you used to, when asked if you're "out next week" these days you're more likely to answer "sorry but I'll be at home with a bottle of wine and asleep on the sofa by 10". As a single person I was out weekly and I got to know people before I accepted dates. If you go out as a single parent there is a high chance you'll simply end up with a one night stand, and even then you'll have to go home and face the babysitter. Of course, I am just generalising based on my own personal experience. You may be lucky enough (or unlucky if you feel like me and dread the idea of the day long Sunday hangover) to be kid free every weekend and able to continue your pre-baby partying ways. 2. Then once you secure someone who is willing to attempt to work around your schedule with your child, you then have to put it all into practice. Children, especially the young ones that aren't of school age yet take up a lot of time. All day you're entertaining them, rushing around to various appointments and playdates. Some parents even manage to fit in work. Then you have your own friendships to keep going, and taking little one to visit various grandparents and other family members. Some days I'm asleep on the sofa before I even get my daughter to bed, so there really is no chance I would be able to get myself scrubbed up for a date on those particular days. 3. When I dated as a single person I rolled in from work on date night the back of five, straight into the shower and ready for 7 or 7:30. I also functioned on little sleep back then because once I got to bed, I usually managed a lie in so late nights were no problem. Dinner, movie, dancing.. I could come home at any time of the night or not at all if it came to that. Now if I do manage to secure a date, and I do manage to not call and cancel it last minute, the latest I can be out is 11pm on a Saturday and 9:30 on a weekday as my mother still works so she wants to go home to bed. So unless he is flexible enough to only see me on a Saturday from 7pm until 11pm, it's a no go area. Most of the time I have to fit a date in while my daughter is at nursery school, and then I only have a couple of hours max. 4. Finally, actually having the sex. Single person, no problem. The first period of being single I was at university, and everyone was having sex at university. Then the second time I lived with two of my female friends and again, sex.. not a problem. There was no judgement, in fact my friends were the kind who would applaud me. I felt good, I looked good, and sex was an important part of a relationship. Now I'm sad to admit, it's not. For starters, again finding time would be a huge issue. Then my daughter's bedroom is right next door and my bed rests against the wall with her sleeping on the other side. I would not be okay with having sex in my bed with her in the next room. I'm not sure who these people are who are managing to date and have sex as much as they did as a single person, but good on them! I honestly just really wish that was the case for me…something to work on! 4 Real-Talk Ways Being a Single Parent Affects Your Sex Life is a post from the: WeLoveDates blog     |
| 10 Things We Can Learn From The Fifty Shades of Grey Movie Posted: 23 Feb 2015 04:17 PM PST Like many of you, on Valentine’s Day I forked over my hard earned money to go see the movie adaptation of Fifty Shades of Grey. My friend and I laughed, swooned (just a tiny bit), cringed, got totally creeped out and then laughed some more. However, whether you love it or hate it, the movie adaptation of Fifty Shades of Grey does teach us a few things about modern sex and relationships. Here’s a few things I learned while watching Fifty Shades of Grey -1. Sexual experimentation is a good thing – Be open to sexual experimentation. Heck, be open to sex – period! When Anastasia meets Christian she’s a frightened, meek virgin. After she loses her virginity to Christian and gets introduced to his “red room” of pain, she experiences a sexual awakening and seems… slightly less frightened? Although BDSM isn’t for everyone, being open to new experiences can change you life in fun and exciting ways – or in the case of Fifty Shades of Grey, induce lots of lip biting and “quivering.” 2. Consent is key – Although some of you probably will find Christian Grey’s lengthly sexual contract a bit ridiculous, one thing is for sure: this dude understands the importance of consent. Before you do anything with another person, always make sure that you’re both on the same page with an enthusiastic “hell yes!” 3. Know your limits and respect them – Although Anastasia often comes across as flustered and lacking confidence, I respect the fact that she’s not a total pushover. She doesn’t bend to Christian’s every whim and is a fierce negotiator. When it comes to having sex with Christian, this girl knows her limits and respects them. She’s very clear on what she will and will not do. 4. I’d rather be single than dating a guy who sells my car without asking me – Ana: “Can I get my car back?” Christian: “No.” #ROMANCE 5. Same goes for dating a guy who shows up at my house uninvited to surprise me in my darkened bedroom, gets mad when I decide to go visit my mother for a few days and insists on choosing my gynaecologist, all under the guise of “protecting me.” -Cough. Cough. Christian Grey. Cough. Cough. 6. Considering how much time and effort Christian puts into “protecting” Ana, she seems perpetually startled by him - Like that time she runs into him while she’s cooking him breakfast…in his own house. However, she seems completely comfortable flying upside down in a tiny tin can of a plane, flown by a man she barely knows who secretely followed her across the country when she went to visit her mother. Go figure. 7. Saying things like “I want to bite that lip” or “My Mom was a crack whore” completely out of the blue while you’re on a date sound just as uncalled for and unexpected in movies as they do in real life. Just saying. 8. Maybe it’s because of his “rough start in life” or because there’s just something in the water in Seattle, but Christian Grey is definitely the oldest looking 27 year old, ever. 9. Although I think we’re meant to assume that the cigarette burns on Christian’s chest are from his “rough start in life” I suspect they’re from one of his former lady friends – Likely one who got mad when he told them, “hey, honey you’ve got to use my gynaecologist.” 10. Movies like Fifty Shades of Grey are a fantasy – Whether sleeping with a billionaire who has a penchant for BDSM is your fantasy or not, I think it’s important that we remind ourselves that this isn’t real life. If it was, I likely wouldn’t have a car. 10 Things We Can Learn From The Fifty Shades of Grey Movie is a post from the: WeLoveDates blog     |
| Why Surprise is the Key to a Successful Relationship Posted: 23 Feb 2015 04:00 PM PST
Of course the first throws of love, more commonly know as the honeymoon period, is a bed of proverbial roses. That feeling when you've got butterflies in your stomach, you can think of nothing else, and can't believe your luck at having met your soulmate – until six months into the relationship when they start to bug you, you bicker over doing the dishes, stop have sex so regularly, and wonder what you ever saw in them. Ah love young’s dream. I jest, of course, but actually, with less exaggerated contrast, routine and a little bit of resentment is an inevitable part of any relationship and is often the point when people call time on it, preferring to explore new pastures green than make the effort to rectify things. We live in a throw away society. Whether it be high street clothes that are discarded after one season, mobiles phones that are upgraded after 12 months or relationships that are abandoned because making them work feels like hard work compared to the ease of meeting someone new. As we are spoonfed the belief that the easy way is the best way, I don’t think it’s a coincidence that divorce is on the rise and people change their partners as often as they change their underwear. (Ok, perhaps not quite that often but you get the picture.) So what to do at a crossroads? When you feel stuck in a relationship rut and can't decide whether to cut your loses and run or put in some work and give it another chance. Before you jump ship why not think about adding a bit of spontaneity to your relationship? Sounds simple, and yes, actually, it is – making small changes to your habits can breathe fresh life into you relationship and remind you exactly what it was you first found so fabulous about your partner. Here is how to spice things up when you’re in a relationship rut.Make your words matter. Consider when the last time it was that you had a proper conversation with your partner. And no, deciding what film to watch on Netflix, arguing about who's taking the rubbish out or unloading about what an a-hole your boss is doesn't count. Communication is key to any relationship and surprisingly easy to neglect. Talking to your partner, really opening up and communicating with them might not only act as a surprise but will probably be a welcome change to staring at a TV together or busying yourself with distractions. Talk about how you are feeling and what you want out of the relationship. It sounds daunting but what have you got to loose? If your partner gets freaked out that you've suddenly gone all woo-woo, all the better. They'll either get over it and appreciate you being the first one to approach the subject of a failing relationship (because trust me, if you're feeling it, they're feeling it too) or call you ridiculous and brush it off – in which case you have your answer to which path to choose right there in front of you. Change your habits. They say a change is as good as a rest and it that certainly applies to relationships. Nothing breeds contempt like familiarity and when you fall into the dangerous trap of routine with your partner it can be a one way ticket to a doomsville. Shake things up a bit. Even small changes, like walking to work together instead of driving, going to see a movie you would never normally have choose, sleeping on each others side of the bed, or washing up without having to be asked, can have a dramatic effect on the mood within the relationship. Make surprises fun. Sadly when we get bogged down in the humdrum of life and the routine of a long-term relationship, the nearest we get to giving our partner a surprise is telling them that the car has just failed its MOT and needs 4 new tyres. How about surprising them in a good way for a change! A bouquet of flowers delivered to work doesn't have to be exclusive to Valentine's Day. Surprising your partner shows them that you care, and as cliched as it is, that you value them and have been thinking about them. Have more sex. Actually scrap the first three points – this is the only one you need. Ok, perhaps not scrap them, but take this point very seriously indeed! The difference of a friendship and a relationship basically boils down to sex. It's all too easy to fall into the once a fortnight (or, God forbid, less!) trap after a long time in a relationship and a lack of physical intimacy will only increase the sense of distance and dissatisfaction. Start where you stand. Surprise isn't necessarily all bells and fireworks. It can be a question of just being up front. Putting the past behind you if it's negative and loaded and starting the relationship in the present is ultimately what will save it. So, before you give up on a relationship, remember it only takes a little change and a few surprises to make things work. Live in the moment, communicate and shake things up a bit – and you might just end up surprising yourself. Why Surprise is the Key to a Successful Relationship is a post from the: WeLoveDates blog     |
| 12 Reasons She’s Not Responding To Your Online Dating Messages Posted: 22 Feb 2015 05:00 PM PST It's one of the biggest complaints men have about online dating – they send many messages, but receive few replies. They are told "it's a numbers game," but the odds seem exceedingly slim. On what may appear to be the cruel flip side, women receive copious e-mails – oftentimes more than they can keep up with. This is important to keep in mind when online dating and can give you the first clue as to why she's not responding. It's frustrating, for sure, but if it makes you feel any better, the majority of messages I initiate are met with radio silence as well. Don't take it personally. Online dating is extremely popular – there are likely thousands of potential mates online in your area looking for love… but that also means there are thousands of competitors as well. Still, we humans like to try and make sense of things. When someone doesn't reply, we want to know why. We're going to assume you've already followed our tips for crafting a great profile, which is the first and most important step. Once you're sure your profile is solid, the list below offers just a few possibilities of why she might not be responsive to your messages. 1. She's not interestedHonestly, guys, the number one reason she’s not responding is because she's not interested. That's just kind of an unwritten rule about online dating – no response means not interested. Accept it and move on. If it offends you that someone won't take the time to reply to your message, remember that women often receive numerous messages every day, and frankly, responding to each one — even to say “Thanks, but I’m not interested” — would be incredibly time consuming. Moreover, even if she does, her response is often met with angry and insulting retorts, questions demanding why she's uninterested, or pleas to just give the guy a chance. It's honestly much less stressful for a woman to simply not reply. (By the way, if you think this makes online dating a cakewalk for the ladies, think again.) Now, there could be a number of reasons why she's not interested – some of which have nothing to do with you and others which do. Reasons on either side of the coin are listed below. When It's Not YouSometimes, just sometimes, the reason she's not reciprocating your interest is attributed to forces beyond your control. 2. She's seeing someone 3. Her profile is inactive 4. Bad timing 5. You got lost in the shuffle 6. She's got a lot of options If the lady in question truly seems like the gal of your dreams and you think perhaps one of the five reasons above are to blame, you can try to send another e-mail in a few weeks. (Hint: do not send the exact same message you sent the first time.) BUT if she doesn't respond to your second message, just let it go. When It's YouOther times, it’s totally you. Warning: truth bombs ahead. 7. She saw a dealbreaker in your profile 8. She's not attracted to you 9. You brought up sex 10. Your grammar is God-awful 11. Your photos suck 12. Your message is lame So there you have it. Just 12 possible reasons she's not replying to your messages. But the most important detail to remember is this: it doesn't matter. Rather than wallow in over-analysis, just shrug it off and move forward, because clearly she's not the one for you. Not everyone is going to like you, and that's okay. You don't like everyone, either. Don’t let a lack of response discourage you from online dating. Even though you may get more rejections, take comfort in knowing that you'll also go on more dates. The 2015 Singles in America study found that online daters are more likely to get dates than those who date strictly offline, with 82% of online daters having gone on a date last year versus 49% for offliners. So get back on that horse, cowboy. Because you don’t need a heap of responses, you just need one — from the right girl. 12 Reasons She's Not Responding To Your Online Dating Messages is a post from the: WeLoveDates blog     |
| That One Time When I Was Almost a Contestant on the Bachelorette Posted: 21 Feb 2015 03:24 PM PST To a certain extent, everyone wants his or her 15-minutes of fame. We see this today, reality TV stars born overnight, and constant media attention on each season's crop of 'real life' stars. If you're a fan of this television genre is irrelevant. It's likely that at one point in your life you've envisioned yourself as a contestant or participant on one of these shows, whether it's another installment of MTV's The Real World or one of the various cooking shows that are on both network and cable channels. Most of us talk a lot of shit about how awesome we'd be on said show, yet never go the extra mile to actually back it up. But not me. It's not in my DNA to talk big game without following through. My show was The Bachelor. Every so often I'd get hooked on a season and tell people I'd dominate. Can I handle 25 girls at once? Damn right I can. I've already conquered the world of online dating and studied communication during the courtship process in grad school. I was built for this show — it's the Super Bowl-like stage my ego needed. January 2012, I had my buddy interview me for my audition tape. I heard nothing for months and eventually, the thought of being on the show faded from my mind. Until 10-months later. The CallIt was October and I was living on Martha's Vineyard doing what any recent graduate with a master's degree wants to do — drive a taxi. It was supposed to be just a summer job, but I have an island addiction, which makes it incredibly hard to leave each time I'm there. Anyway, I was dropping a local off at the bar and got a call from an unknown number and let it hit voicemail, while I deal with the fact that the guy only has half the fair cost and that he'll pay me later (a regular occurrence). As I drive away shaking my head I listen to the message: "Hey Kevin, it's Lacey from The Bachelor. We have your audition tape and was looking to see if you wanted to meet for an interview in NYC in the next few weeks. Call us back when you get a chance." I almost swerved off the road, my heart was racing at 100 miles an hour. I needed to pull over and listen again. What!? How did this happen? I made that tape almost a year ago. And the opening to my audition tape — they actually liked that? I mean, of course they did. Who wouldn't like a video from a guy that starts with the chorus to Straight Up playing in the background as a baby picture of himself sits in the distance? The InterviewAfter I calmed down, I called back and said I was interested. They said they'd get back to me soon, and "soon" ended up being more a month of silence. I assumed they'd changed their mind about me. Out of the blue, they called on a Tuesday asking if I could get to NYC for an interview that Friday. It was short notice, but I needed to at least meet these people and see the process for myself. When I get to the lobby, I text to say I've arrived. I meet this token dude, who has me fill out paperwork while I sit on a couch. As I wait for my turn, I notice a few model-like guys leaving the elevator every few minutes and assume these are other potential contestants. Most of them are either decked out to the nines or wearing those nut-hugging hipster jeans. Meanwhile, here I am rocking Timberland boots (horrible for walking in NYC) baggy jeans, and a sweater I borrowed from a friend I was staying with because the one I brought wasn't up to par. Eh, well, fuck these people. None of them are living on a summer island in the winter. I haven't worn anything other than track pants in public for months, they're lucky I even took a shower for this. After over-analyzing every guy that walked by me, I was up. I'm greeted by a handful of people and I have a seat in front of the camera. The interview is essentially an open forum to see how I articulate myself. They occasionally ask follow up questions and are really interested in hearing about my current job as a taxi driver and my newest part-time job as an online dating consultant. I mean, my general story on its own is unique. I remember thinking that there's no way in hell they're going to pick me. It doesn't matter how entertaining I am — who wants to date a guy with this odd career set up? The interview lasts about 30-minutes. Before I go, they hand me a thick manila envelope. Now, I didn't see any of the guys walking by me in the lobby with one of these, so something is up. They hypothetically explain the next steps should I make it to the next round, and what to do with the contents of the envelope. Basically, the next step would include an all-expense paid trip to Los Angeles, only given to the top 50 guys for the upcoming season of The Bachelorette. I felt as if I was on autopilot, trying to absorb all this information while envisioning what the process would be like. Just before I left the room, one of the producers looks at me and asks, "Was your hair longer in your original audition tape?" "Yes," I reply. "Grow it back out," she says, smiling. Wait, what? What the hell is happening? This started as kind of a joke and now it's getting real. HomeworkOnce I got back to the Vineyard I had a chance to sit down and really dissect my packet. It was filled with questionnaires and directions on how to take more pictures. Again, I've made it this far, I might as well follow the procedure and see what happens. I had one of my friends help me and together, we took one of the douchiest photo shoots known to man. I'm talking lighthouses and little pastel cottages in the background. Use the unique island landscape to my advantage, right? The entire time I felt like cutting off my balls — an emasculating process. Oh look, a lighthouse! They advise you not to tell anyone other than your family and place of employment that you're a candidate but of course you tell more people than that. If you're on the show, it tapes for a maximum of six weeks, and there's no communication with the outside world, short of an emergency. The only problem when you tell people is that they won't shut up about it. Nothing — and I mean nothing — happens on the Vineyard in January and February. So naturally, any gossip spreads across the island like wildfire. I couldn't go to the post office or grocery store without someone asking me if I made the show yet. It's amusing at first, then quickly turns to annoyance, as it's now the sole focus of any conversation I have. If you're a person that suffers from any sort of anxiety, you're screwed. I wouldn't say I normally have high anxiety, but potentially going from a quiet island to being in front of millions on national TV was a little intimidating. And great that every time I left the house I was bombarded with inquires on whether or not I was the next bachelor. "No guys, I told you — it's the Bachelorette." Eh, whatever. California LoveAt this point, I know all the producers' phone numbers by heart, so when I got a call a week after submitting the manila envelope, I knew it was them with a decision. "Kevin, hey — it's Ashley. So we want to fly you out to LA one of the next two weekends. You're on Martha's Vineyard correct?" Remember that no anxiety thing? Yeah, my hands were literally shaking. We set up a date after checking my calendar to make sure it wasn't a weekend during the AFC Championship. Yes, even the Bachelorette isn't more important to me than the Patriots. As I hung up the phone I called my family right away. I don't even think I was excited, if anything, I was numb. Did I make the show yet? No. But I'm in the top 50 and my ego told me there's no way in hell they wouldn't pick me. In addition, you have to prep as if you're going to make the show. Life on the outside doesn't stop while you live in a mansion with 24 other bros, and you have to act like you'll be gone for six weeks. Easier said than done, of course. PreparationReality TV is anything but real life. I wasn't going on this show to find my wife or my soul mate. I was going on to try hang out with a hot chick, wear a 1980's Bruins jersey, say 'wicked pissah' all day and see what happens. You can't tell me there's a better story to reminisce about with your friends. "Dude, remember that time you were on The Bachelorette and she was so into you until she found out you were a taxi driver? Yeah, that was awesome." However, as it's a dating show, it throws a wrench into your current dating plans. I had started talking to a girl around the time I went to NYC for the interview. We ended up meeting a few weeks after and hit it off right away — so much so that I may or may not have written something about it. What are you suppose to do in this situation? I'm not going to put my dating life on hold while wait to hear from the Bachelor, but at the same time, I felt like it was better to be transparent. On our second date, I told her I was a potential candidate and was waiting to hear back about possibly going to LA for round two. She took it pretty well at first, though it seemed to weigh on her mind and loomed over us both. We saw each other a few more times, but once I found out I was going to LA it was pretty much over. Single people watching the show think, "Oh, it'd be so much fun to be a contestant!" What they don't think about is the process leading up to it. It's long. Real long. You try to not put your life on hold, but you can't really date. If you meet someone awesome, and after a few dates they tell you they don't want you to go on the show, are you going to listen? There are months and months of time put into this process it becomes a struggle of what things in your life you put on hold and what things you keep doing. To my core, I couldn't stop the show because of a few weeks of good dates. It would've put unfair pressure on a budding relationship wondering, "What if?" had I chosen not to proceed with the process. This didn't make the decision any easier. When you're a dating coach and you chose a TV show over a relationship with a lot of potential it doesn't make you sleep well at night. There's a part of me that felt like I was selling my soul. Sharp-Dressed ManThere's being in shape, and then there's the I'm-potentially-going-to-be-on-national-TV-with-my-shirt-off-in-a-pool shape." The self-analysis I went through after getting the call to go to LA was brutal. I made up flaws I didn't have and felt like I needed to get in the greatest shape of my life. For a dating show. Sounds pretty stupid when you say it out loud. Not to mention, what the hell am I going to wear? At the time I didn't even own a suit. I'm the kind of guy that will rock $20 jeans and $5 shirts from Old Navy. Suddenly, there was this urge to buy better clothes and pimp out my wardrobe. I went from not caring about what I wore to feeling like I needed to impress all of America. Which is a great position to be in, since I have zero fashion sense. California DreamingFlying out to LA felt like going on a business trip. Sure, it was fun to experience, but the process was far from ordinary. When I first got to the hotel, I texted my handler, Matt. (Yes, I had a handler.) This was my go-to guy for anything I needed. He met me in the lobby and we made our way to one of the main function rooms. Here I received another manila folder and was told to stay in my hotel room unless pre-approved and accompanied by my handler. They don't want any potential candidates running into each other and spoiling that initial on camera reaction when you first meet inside the mansion. I grab my folder, a few Bachelor gift bags and begin to walk out. Matt goes, "Hey, you want to bring anything with you to the room?" as he points to a table. The table is full of candy and protein bars. I snag a few treats while he offers me some drink options. Since the drinks are free and unlimited I suggest several Bud Lights, fill my bags and look forward to be locked down in my room with alcohol and junk food — exactly what you want for dinner after a 15-hour travel day. The manila folder is filled with about 600 true-or-false and likert scale questionnaires. Filling out these questionnaires while locked up for hours, made me both ponder everything in my life. At some point I started going stir crazy and was bewildered by the questions. They must have asked me five or six times if I've ever thought about killing or harming myself. By the sixth time, I almost checked yes. When you finally leave the hotel room, you meet with a criminal background investigator, a psychiatrist, a doctor to test your blood and urine, and then a have sit-down meeting with the production crew after yet another on camera interview. Keep in mind I'm drinking through this entire process. Not sure how good a look it is to sit down with a shrink five beers deep, but it happened. The part of the process that stood out most to me was meeting the production crew. I walk into this extra large hotel room and there are about 25 people who I haven't met yet. They've pushed all the couches and chairs together creating a stadium-like seating arrangement. I have a seat on this one, lonesome chair, about 15 feet in front of them. The room is completely silent. This one guy has what must have been my file in front of him. He looks down and then looks up and says, "Kevin, if I want to just get laid on an online dating website, what do I have to do?" Shocked I reply, "Are you serious?" He goes, "Fuckin' right I am." I laugh, the whole room laughs, and that moment was a microcosm of how The Bachelor crew was. Every single person I met from start to finish was awesome to deal with. Knowing that if I made the final cast I'd be working with these people was a reassuring feeling, and the main reason why I felt comfortable with the idea of filming. Seriously — they were some of the nicest people to meet, a pleasure to be around. I arrived on a Thursday around 9 p.m. and was on a flight home by 6 a.m. on Saturday. The trip was quick. They told me I'd hear from them in two weeks with a decision. Those two weeks turned into five. And those five weeks were filled with levels of anxiety I've never felt in my life. The WaitWaiting to find out if I was one of the 25 contestants was pure torture — the not knowing part is what killed me. It's hard to move on with your life when this unique circumstance looms over your head. I couldn't talk to my friends, family, or coworkers without the topic coming up daily, sometimes hourly. It was impossible to escape, and the anxiety took its toll. I thought daily about the girl I'd so firmly let know I was pursuing the show. Looking back at the situation, I should've handled it differently. It wasn't fair for me to bring someone into my dating life as all of this was going on. While I think finding love on the show is far from anyone's true main goal, it is still a dating show. And it was a total asshole move for me to act like it wasn't going to affect what we had going on. Had I known the process would have taken as long as it did, I would've stopped things sooner. I assumed the best course of action was to move on with all aspects of my life as if everything was normal. But it was the wrong idea, nothing was normal. Instead of going on dates with her, I was now relinquished to obsessively watching the current season of The Bachelor, as one of those 25 women would go on to be the next Bachelorette. I've watched a lot of major sporting events in my years. I'm talking intense Super Bowl games for the Patriots that legit took years off my life from the nail biting and stress. However, none of those events could match what I felt watching back-to-back weekly episodes on Monday and Tuesday nights — I felt like I was going to puke from start to finish. It wasn't fun and I didn't watch it with anyone. Afterward, I'd toss and turn in bed, wondering why I was really putting myself through this. This isn't what I had envisioned, but I still had to see it through. The AftermathThe season I was cast for was set to begin filming on March 11th. I didn't get a call with a definitive answer from ABC until March 1st. And that call was to inform me that ABC didn’t think I was a match for their next Bachelorette. Finally, I had an answer. ABC had picked Desiree over Lindsay, the girl they deemed I wasn't a good fit for – had they chosen Lindsay, this would be a much different blog. Thus, my Bachelorette journey was officially over. This huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. And it wasn't that I was scared to be on the show — it was the not knowing part that constantly consumed all my thoughts and actions. Living like your life is on pause for three months isn't fun. To this day I can't watch The Bachelor or Bachelorette. Even the commercials get my heart rate up. There were too many memories of sleepless nights filled with stress and anxiety. A huge factor of your experience is where you're currently at in your life — it's clear the timing of the show couldn't have been worse for me. Unfortunately, the combination of curiosity and my ego was too much for me to resist. It's an odd spot to be in without someone to provide any experiential advice. When applying for the Bachelor you're a pioneer amongst your peers in this journey. Nobody can relate to what you're going to and the advice you get is mixed. Regardless of the outcome, trying to obtain any amount of fame typically comes at a price. Everyone's experience applying for the Bachelor/Bachelorette is different. This was my story, shedding a little light on what happens when the guy talking shit on the couch decides to throw his hat into the ring. That One Time When I Was Almost a Contestant on the Bachelorette is a post from the: WeLoveDates blog     |
| The Pros and Cons of Dating an Older Man Posted: 19 Feb 2015 05:00 PM PST Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones, Celine Dion and René Angélil, Hugh Heffner and Crystal Harris, Rod Stewart and Penny Lancaster – the list of younger ladies who have married more mature guys is endless.Is it love? In some cases, yes. In other cases…when she looks into his eyes, all she can see is the size of his…wallet. It’s not all about money though, as being old doesn’t always equate to being affluent. So why do women date guys who are much older? Sometimes we’re attracted to power, maturity or even worldly experience. If you’re thinking about dating an older man, here are the pros and cons you should consider: The Pros |
| 4 Tips For Finding Love Online When You’re In Your Prime Posted: 18 Feb 2015 04:00 PM PST
Here are 4 tips to get you going in the mature dating scene.1. The Killer Profile. 2. Hobbies and Interests. 3. Would Like To Meet. 4. Now The Fun Begins. I suggest you keep it short, there's nothing worse than spending hours with someone with nothing to say. Meeting for a coffee is always a good one as you can keep it short if you're both just not feeling it and have another mocha chocca double shot vanilla whatsit if you're both enjoying yourselves. Dress to impress as yes it's a cliché but first impressions do count. Your date is just as likely to be as nervous as you are about meeting but hopefully you've had a couple of phone conversations before the date to get to know a little bit about each other. The main thing though is just enjoy it and take each new experience as it comes. You’re back in the game! 4 Tips For Finding Love Online When You're In Your Prime is a post from the: WeLoveDates blog     |
| The Number 1 Hardest Thing About Online Dating and How To Handle It Posted: 17 Feb 2015 05:00 PM PST There are so many features of online dating services that it's hard to choose which feature is the hardest to deal with, plus it’s all relative. Perhaps you wish dating apps didn't make such a big deal about height. Maybe you wish there was no option to show how much money you make (or don’t make), whether or not you're a smoker, or other sensitive information. Even when you choose not to answer these questions, it makes a statement. Or maybe you just hate how photo-centric online dating has become. But there is one feature that every single online dating service has that makes me feel terrible. It's almost enough for me to delete my entire account and start meeting people the old-fashioned way — IRL. Whatever good has come from dating online is often negated by this one little indicator that has become so standard, we almost don't even think about it. I know I’m not alone here either. So what is it? The indication of when a person was last online.I've always assumed that this feature was originally conceived so that you know why you are not being responded to. You never have to wonder, "Maybe he isn't responding because he hasn't been online." Nope. He was online 7 hours ago and didn't respond to you for one reason: he didn't want to. That's a hard pill to swallow, but at least then you can move on to the next guy who will appreciate how hot and awesome you are. Other times, you see a person that seems interesting and cute, but he hasn't been online for 3 weeks. No use messaging him. Maybe he's one of these elusive men who is actually looking for a relationship online, and rarer still, has found one. Good for him. Or maybe he is one of the few who is simply able to escape the addiction of Tinder. Even better. But as much as it sucks to see a person ignoring you in real time, right on your iPhone screen, there is another instance that is, unbelievably, so much worse. I'm talking about that moment when you just got home from a great date with a guy you met online. It couldn't have gone better. You two have tons in common and it's easy to make conversation. You pretty much nailed that date and you're already planning what you're going to wear on the next one, but then… A sneaking feeling moves you to action. The feeling is so strong, it's as if an outside force is overtaking you. You have to do it. You go online to find out whether or not your date got on his online dating profile as soon as he got home from the date with you. God dammit. In the dark ages, before dating turned into online dating, your date could have gone on a completely different date after yours. He could have gone home and called the other girl he's dating, and you would never know. You would be in blissful ignorance, which is the only place I want to be. Please! Give me ignorance! But no. I have to see that my date, for whom I just spend an hour and a half doing my hair and makeup, went home to promptly explore his other options. I would much rather not have this feature, be ignored by people, and be able to tell myself that it's because they haven't been online in weeks. Instead, I have to know that my online dates don't even have the decency to wait until the next day to try and meet other women. So what can you do? Well, for starters…you could just not look. If you have a great date with someone, let it be. You might hear from him, you might not, but checking up on his digital behavior an hour after he dropped you off probably won’t make you feel very good. You know what they say happens when you go looking for something, right? You find it. Not every date you go on will end up being “the one“, and you might think you have a great connection with a guy, only never to hear from him again. It’s just how dating goes-online or off. So you’re bummed out that your date is online after your date…well, you’re online too! Seems like a good time to send off a few messages to some new date prospects, right? When in Rome. What do you think? Do you love or hate that dating apps tell you when people are online? The Number 1 Hardest Thing About Online Dating and How To Handle It is a post from the: WeLoveDates blog     |
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