Friday, March 20, 2015

Date Night Diva

Date Night Diva

Do you make these 5 common mistakes when your relationships end?

Posted: 19 Mar 2015 08:33 PM PDT

Think about it. You're happily going along in your life, not a care in the world; and one day, somehow, somewhere along the way, you find that you've got yourself into a relationship.

It may have been on purpose. You might have been putting yourself out there every chance you got. Or it may have just happened on its own. Either way, it happened and there you are in the middle of it.

Sometimes we end up building our whole life and identity around it. It becomes a part of who we are. Sometimes we start referring to ourselves as "we" instead of "I."

And then, and it usually seems like it happens way faster than it actually does, the relationship just ends. It doesn't really matter how it happens. When it's over, it hurts.

When a relationship ends, it can be such a shock, so disruptive to our lives and such a blow to our egos that it can be really hard to see the situation with anything even resembling clarity.

This is totally understandable because dealing with the end of a relationship is a lot like going through withdrawals from an addiction. It's really hard on us in many ways and it's not really your fault that it's like that.

However, when we're dealing with the insanity - really we can almost be labeled clinically insane - of the early days of getting over a relationship, in our foggy and bruised mental state, it can be really easy to make these five common mistakes. And wind up paying the consequences of our stunted personal growth when we do.

Blaming Everything on The Guy

The disorientation and confusion that can come with a breakup can lead to some pretty strange behavior. Like blaming everything on the guy.

It's obvious that something went wrong. It's not always obvious what went wrong, or who played the bigger part in the problem.

You may never know the full dynamics of the situation. Sometimes we're just so close to our own problems that we'll never see them clearly. One thing is for sure though, that it's never entirely one person's fault.

Blaming Everything on Yourself

The other side of the blame situation is blaming everything on yourself. Sometimes we feel so hurt and guilty that things went wrong, that we blame ourselves entirely for the end of the relationship.

Again, this is due to our lack of being able to see our situation clearly. In time, you'll be able to get some distance from the situation and see where you really did go wrong.

But one thing is certain, that all of the problems in the relationship that lead to the breakup were not your fault.

Not Seeing Your Part in The Situation

It should be pretty obvious now, that since everything wasn't all the guys fault and it wasn't all your fault either; that there were at least some things that you could have done, done differently, not done at all or handled better.

But it will likely take some time to let this all sink in and come to terms with. Even when we're looking for our own mistakes, it can be hard to admit where we've gone wrong. Especially when it's lead to so much pain.

Not Seeing Your Own Issues You Can Work on

Once you've found some of the mistakes you made that lead to the end of the relationship, you can start looking a little deeper to find the underlying issues that lead you to make those mistakes.

This is where some of the real healing happens. You may notice fears or insecurities you were unaware of. Or things you were vaguely aware of but weren't sure how they were affecting your life and relationships.

Not Waiting to Get Into Another Relationship

One of the best ways to make sure you'll learn as little as possible and deprive yourself of the tremendous opportunities for growth that come with the pain and discomfort of a breakup, is to get into another relationship before you're ready.

It might be a quick fix. It might help you feel good for a while. It might even help you avoid facing all of your issues and flaws that contributed to your last breakup. But it won't last.

Chances are; you'll find yourself in a familiar pattern all too soon. In a relationship with a guy strikingly similar to the last guy you broke up with. And chances are, you'll be doing all the same things you did that contributed to that breakup as well.

Final Thoughts

Dealing with the end of a relationship is never easy. But breakups offer us huge opportunities for growth that unfortunately a lot of us don't take advantage of. Difficulty and discomfort tend to have that effect on people.

But make the effort to avoid blaming the entire situation on one person or the other. Look for your own issues that contributed to the breakup and don't get into another relationship before you're ready.

In the long run you'll be glad that you did, and will almost certainly have healthier relationships as a result of your effort.

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