In the dating scene, a lot of men put themselves in a do-or-die situation. Not surprisingly, they end up messing up badly.
Here’s a typical situation: a guy walks into a bar and an attractive red head catches his eye. He looks at her across the room, takes a few hesitant steps closer to her as thinks about the outcome. He hovers closer, takes a couple more glances at his target and tells himself, “Here I go…”
The Details:
I suggest you STOP if this is your go to technique. By the time you finish saying that line to yourself, you will have blown your approach. Chances are, you’d probably open up the conversation by offering her a drink or complimenting her looks. Maybe you attempted to “Sell” yourself to her by telling her how much of an awesome guy you are.
The problem with this mindset is that it doesn’t display the SOCIAL VALUE you need to keep her interested. What she sees is another needy guy begging for her approval. Remember: she’s probably dealt with a lot of other guys just like you and turned them all down. Do you want to be the next one?
The solution to this approach to be her equal and by not focusing solely on her looks or making her feel entitled to overenthusiastic praise because of it. Show her through your words and body language that you’re willing to walk away if she doesn’t have anything else going for her aside from her physical beauty (i.e. being witty, humorous, etc.).
This isn’t a matter of arrogance or acting superior to women in general- it’s simply valuing yourself enough NOT to throw yourself before a stranger based on looks alone. It’s about knowing that you deserve someone who can balance beauty, brains and being good-natured.
Start putting on a relaxed vibe by having no intentions other than chewing the fat, shooting the breeze, or however you want to call it. The important thing is that you’re not after anything else than the pleasure of her company – nothing more. Otherwise, you risk scaring her off by coming on too heavy, too fast.
Avoid pressuring yourself to the point where you feel like you have a gun to your head, it’s very hard to be at ease in that kind of state of mind. Women will easily pick up on your nervousness and feel uneasy as well.
Telling you to just relax around women and expect you to do it right away is easier said then done. Turning a needy attitude to a self-confident one takes time to develop.
Here is a simple three-step plan you can follow to stop neediness:
- Repeat to yourself the following everyday: “I’m fine just as I am, and a relationship doesn’t define my self-worth.” The neediest men are those who think they’re “broken” or “missing” in some way. They expect women to somehow fill that emptiness. Wrong mentality here! Putting any girl in that position is very likely to scare her away.
- To be really happy with who you are, you need to pay attention to other areas in your life. For inside-out fulfillment, work on your career and hobbies while maintaining your social circles as well.
- Learn to talk to everyone around you, and not just the hot girls. Make observations and use them in the conversation. This is true to even the most everyday situations, like when you’re chatting with the guy at the cash register or the 65-year old lady at the bus stop you pass everyday. You’re not trying to be buddies for life; talking for the fun of it is its own reward. When you can adapt the same non-needy attitude around women, you’ll have a higher success rate.
Bottom Line:
You now know a super simple plan on how to be non-needy. Once you’ve actually gotten yourself into this three-step process, you’ll find that it’s really not all that time-consuming. Keep in mind, this is going to benefit you as a WHOLE, regardless of whether you happen to be single or not. Once you have enough stuff going on in your life and become more comfortable with people, the side benefit is a CONFIDENT vibe that women find inviting.
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